Jerusha's Delusional Story
by browneyedcat
Summary: Very crazy story me and my friend made up on the phone. H/D slashy goodness! Rated R for slash and a few bad words


Disclaimer: I do not own the characters Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. Nor do I own Barry Manilow or Billy Idol. But I do in fact own myself (Jerusha) and Michelle (Caffeinated Michelle) because Michelle is my bitch ;)  
  
Story behind the story: Me and Michelle were on the phone tonight (From approximately 9:15- 10:46) and we started to talk nonsense and I started talking about this story. Keep in mind I was sleep deprived and still am. Michelle threw in a few ideas so therefore… this is mostly my story!!! MUHAHAHA!! Ok… enough babbling… onto the "real" plot… yea, real plot ::cackles:: keep in mind I actually do write better than this but this is off the top of my caffeine/sleep deprived mind!  
  
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It was a cold and chilly day in the month of September. Draco Malfoy was staring intently at his arch nemesis across the way in the great hall. "ERRRRRR!! I hate that boy!"  
  
Harry on the other hand was deeply engrossed in the newest Stephen King novel "Everything's Eventual" He had become rather fond of the writer when he would retreat to his room after a nice beating. Looking up, his emerald eyes met cold ice blue ones. "ERRRR!!! I hate that boy!"  
  
Suddenly Jerusha and Michelle, two ordinary quirky muggle girls burst through the great hall doors. Jerusha headed over to Harry's table as Michelle ran to Draco's table. Michelle roughly picked up the disgruntled Malfoy and started to drag him out of the room.  
  
"What the…"  
  
"Shut up boy!" Michelle cried in a southern accent voice (Obviously not her real voice)  
  
"Hey Harry… nice book you are reading. I love Stephen King too!"  
  
"Really? Cause I really like his book 'It'… wait- who the hell are you?!"  
  
"I'm Jerusha and I have come to steal you away! Muhahahahaaa!" Jerusha did a pirouette and picked up Harry like a baby. "Shut up and let me take you away!"  
  
"Eh- ok." Dumbledore said at the head table, his blue eyes twinkling.  
  
Jerusha smiled at the nice old man and ran off to join her friend Michelle in Michelle's new car she called 'Pete'. Michelle quickly tied the two 7th years in the back seat and glued them to the seat with glue.  
  
"Might I ask why you are doing this?" Draco said, Harry would of asked but Jerusha had smacked him in the head with little force and was able to knock him out.  
  
"Well… for starters…" Michelle got in the drivers side and waited for Jerusha to get into the passenger side. "This cars name is Pete."  
  
"Oh… that helped a lot. Thanks."  
  
"Well anyhoo…" Michelle started to drive very badly (She never learned how to) and just drove in the direction the Hogwarts Express took when it took the boys back to 9 ¾ station. "My name is Michelle and this is Jerusha. We are taking you to Las Vegas to get married because YOU BELONG TOGETHER!" Jerusha started to weep silently in her seat. She had been waiting for this moment forever.  
  
"WHAT?!" Harry was pretending to be knocked out and suddenly opened his eyes. He jerked his head up. "Ow… my neck hurts, I think I have AIDS. But did I hear you say that you are taking me and Malfoy to Vegas to get married?!"  
  
"Indeed… I did say that. Did I stutter boy?!"  
  
Jerusha looked up from her hands and grinned insanely. "I have been reading fan fiction about you two! And You belong together damnit so shut up before I smack ya!"  
  
Harry saw no use in arguing with these two so he just decided to take a nap. Draco looked to his future husband and shrugged. "It's better than being married to Pansy, that's for sure!" Draco decided to do the same and fell asleep.  
  
Jerusha looked to Michelle and then to the two sleeping boys. "HOW CUTE IS THAT! I told you we could pull it off."  
  
Michelle shook her head sadly. "I think we are going to get arrested!"  
  
Jerusha shook her head this time. "Nope, my will not to get arrested will stop them!!! Muhahahahahahaa!!!" Michelle looked to her oddly and shrugged.  
  
"Indeed."  
  
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It was 3 full days later and Michelle had managed to sneak Draco and Harry onto a plane heading to Las Vegas. Jerusha paid for the tickets and they hopped in the plane.  
  
Once at the chapel in Las Vegas, Jerusha had grabbed her gun and walked them down the aisle to the Elvis impersonator down the way. Michelle was the witness to both parties so she had to get up every 15 seconds to change sides. After the long ass sermon was finished, Jerusha had poked Harry in the butt to get him to kiss Draco. "DOOOOOOOO IT!"  
  
Harry tentivly leaned forward and kissed Draco on the lips. One thing lead to another and they were both groping each other on the floor.  
  
"YAY!" Michelle and Jerusha cried. They jumped up and down and in circles. Who should walk in at that moment but the mighty evil dark lord!!! Since Harry and Draco were obviously busy and the Elvis impersonator was enjoying the free show on the floor in front of him, it was up to Michelle to defeat the dark lord!  
  
"You son of a bitch… I hate you!" Michelle lunged at the evil dude and grabbed his hair, pulling it and rendering him dead. "Hey! That was easy!" Michelle then whipped out 'Davy' and started to click away at the two boys making out heavily on the floor.  
  
"Awwwww this is too cute for words! We should go to our coffee shop! The toilet bowl!" Jerusha exclaimed to her new two new friends and the one that called her for no reason in the middle of the night.  
  
The Toilet Bowl was Jerusha's and Michelle coffee shop. It was in the shape of a coffee cup but the entire inside was porcelain. Toilets hung out protruding out the walls. The tables were hollowed out toilets with fish in them and a large plate of glass over each toilet. Jerusha, Michelle, Draco and Harry all seated comfortably around the toilet were drinking the lovely coffee when all of a sudden! The police came!  
  
"Um… miss" The police man said to Jerusha. "We had a call from a Professor Snape that you stole one of his star pupils and his least favorite pupil… we have to take you in."  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Harry and Draco yelled. "We came willingly! We love each other!" Harry and Draco started to make-out in front of the cops before the homophobic cops left.  
  
"YAAAAAAAAY!" They all hugged and lived happy lives after that.  
  
What happened to who? Why this!  
  
Michelle- Very upset that Barry Manilow was cheating on Slayer, she was later arrested two years later holding a gun to his head trying to make him kiss a picture of Slayer and yell that he was sorry. She later met up with Jerusha in the women's correctional facility because…  
  
Jerusha- Stalked Billy Idol before she was caught in his room trying on all his leather clothes. She now serves 5-6 and plans with Michelle what to do when they get out.  
  
Harry/Draco- Lived happily ever after!  
  
All of them (Once Jerusha and Michelle got out of jail)- They all frolicked the big empty field were they picked purple berries to their hearts extent. Michelle later stepped on a berry and got so upset she was never the same again. Never the same again indeed…  
  
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Omg, I'm such a crack addict! That sucked ass! Where did that come from? My God I write like crap when I need sleep. I really do write better, believe me. Re-reading it now I would never post this except for Michelle bothering me about it. Jk, you know I love my beta! ::Hugs:: Now I have to wait 30 minutes to post this! I really am sorry for the craperific story. Most of the story is loaded with inside jokes so feel stupid if you don't understand them!!! Hahahahahahaaa.. Ok, I really need to sleep. 


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